


Him and Her

by IfullybelieveLarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Confused Louis, Gender Identity, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Harry, Heartbroken Harry Styles, Identity, M/M, Scared Harry Styles, Secrets, Supportive Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-08-25 03:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfullybelieveLarry/pseuds/IfullybelieveLarry
Summary: In the middle of touring with his band, Harry finally puts the pieces together to find out he's genderfluid. Even though he has the support of his sister, Gemma, he's still scared to tell his bandmates and his boyfriend. How will his bandmates react when they find out that their brother, is also their sister?This is not going to be finished. Sorry.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

* * *

_“How am I going to tell my boyfriend that I’m genderfluid?”_

I’ve begun to seclude myself from all of the boys after I’ve started to realize this part of me that I honestly wish I had never discovered. They’ve all noticed my odd behavior, but they’ve left me to my own devices. Even Louis has. I’m guessing that they think that I just need some time to myself, and honestly, they are right. I need some time on my own so I can accept who I found out I am before I can tell the other four. The only one who knows about it so far is Gemma, but she swore to tell no one. Not even mom. That is one reason why I love Gemma. She knows when to keep a secret, unlike most siblings. Well, at least from what the other four boys have told me about having siblings.

Finding out that I’m genderfluid answers so many questions I’ve had about some things that I’ve done or parts of my personality that I’ve noticed no one else had. For as long as I could possibly remember, I’ve always had a few times where being a dude didn’t seem to fit me. I’ve felt different, though I could never describe why. Also, I’ve had some days where I really just want to be in a skirt or a dress, wear makeup, or other things. I’ve always been feminine, sure, but those days seemed a bit more than my usual amount of femininity. All of these things were odd, and now I know why I’ve felt that way. Even though I’m okay with being a guy a lot of the time, some days it just doesn’t seem right and I now know that it’s because I’m genderfluid.

Today, I find myself laying on my own bunk that I have to myself. Louis has let me have a bunk to myself so I don’t feel pressured to talk to him until I’m ready to, which I appreciate so much. He’s such a great boyfriend and sometimes I don’t think I deserve him. Knowing what I know now though, only reinforces that in my mind. How could Louis want to be with me once I tell him that I’m genderfluid? How is he going to take it? Is he going to see it weird, or even creepy? There’s just not enough for me to know how Louis is going to react if and when I tell him about this revelation that I had. Even if Louis is okay with it, how are the boys going to see it? Are they going to react well to it?

I feel tears form in my eyes and I curl up a bit in my bunk. I want to cry, but before I can, my phone buzzes in my pocket with a text. It distracts me from my sadness as it forces me to look at it. I’m one of those people that can’t just leave a text without responding to it. Ignoring my tears, I grab my phone out of my pocket and look at the text that I was just sent. I can’t help but smile softly when I see it’s from my sister Gemma.

_“Hey there. Just got your text, sis. Message clear. I wanted to tell you that I love and support you no matter what. If you ever need anything at all, I’m here for you. Just let me know. By the way, can’t wait until you come back home so I can give you a bunch of my old dresses that I don’t wear anymore. I’m sure Louis would appreciate some of them. ;) Anyway, good luck on tour, Ellie. Be sure to update me on how it goes.”_

My smile only gets bigger as I read her text message. When I came out to Gemma just a few days ago, she asked me if there was another name that I wanted to go by during my girl days. After a few minutes of thinking, I decided on a name. Ellie. No clear reason why that name was the one I chose over all others, but in a way… it just seemed to fit. It just seemed right for me. Ellie.

The only thing about Gemma’s text that makes me frown is her mentioning Louis. He has no idea what is going on, and I’m not sure if I can tell him. At least, not yet. Not until I figure out how to tell him. Figuring out how to tell him or how to tell the other boys is going to take a while. I don’t want to weird them out or anything. I just want them to still accept me, even after telling them.

“Hey, Hazz,” I hear Zayn’s voice call out. Hearing ‘Hazz’ made me frown, but I know he doesn’t know. Not yet anyway.

“Yeah, Zayn?” I ask, wondering what he could want.

“We’re at the hotel we’re staying at for the night. You’re also staying with Louis for the night. The person who booked our rooms didn’t know that you’ve been… upset recently so they went ahead and had you and Louis stay in the same room,” he tells me. I can hear the implied apology in his voice and I let out a small sigh. I guess it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not Zayn’s fault and I’m overdue for a serious conversation with Louis.

Man, I think I’m in for a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

* * *

Walking off of the tour bus with the other four lads, I still try to keep my distance. The only thing going through my mind at this time is just how I imagine Louis is going to react if I tell him about Elli. About me.  _ “Harry, don’t you think that’s weird?” “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that?” “But you’re Harry. You’ve always been Harry and you always will be Harry. How are you going to change that?” _ Those are just a few things I think Louis is going to say when I tell him. No. I can’t. I can’t tell him. I just can’t. I love him too much and I don’t want to lose him.

Still, at a bit of a distance, I follow Louis to the room the two of us are to share. As the two of us walk together, but separately, I notice Louis look back with a sad expression before turning away again. He doesn’t say a single thing to me, but his eyes said it all to me. My seclusion from him is getting to him, and it’s obvious. Oh, Louis. I wish it was as easy as just talking to you, but it really isn’t. There’s so much to it and I have to worry about saying it at the right time, and in the right way.

We silently walk into our shared room and I close the door behind us once we are in. “Harry,” Louis says softly once the door is closed. Part of me wants to correct him with ‘Ellie’, but I don’t. I just keep my mouth shut and let him speak. “I know you want your space, but I think you really need to talk to someone. If not me, then one of the other boys. Whatever you’re going through, one of us can help you through it. Just, please. I don’t like to see you separate yourself from us. It doesn’t make any of us happy and it doesn’t make you happy.” I turn away a bit, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes.

“Lou, it’s not as simple as you think it is. There’s so much that you don’t understand. So much going through my mind at the moment. I’m scared out of my mind to be open because I don’t want to lose anyone close to me,” I say to him, hoping he doesn’t hear the bubble in my throat. “I need to prepare myself for every possible outcome before I can tell you or the other boys. I guarantee that you won’t see what I have to tell you about coming.”

He walks a bit closer to me and places a hand on my cheek gently. I want to pull away from his touch, but it’s been so long since I’ve let him even be close to me so I can’t help but lean into his gentle touch. “Just because I won’t see it coming doesn’t mean that I won’t accept anything you have to tell me,” he states. “I love you and I’m not going to leave you over anything you have to tell me. You mean the world to me and I just want to know what’s been weighing so heavily on your mind to make you pull away from the boys… from me.” His voice is so soft and gentle and so full of love and care. I almost break down and tell him everything, but I force myself to keep my mouth shut about that right now.

I shake my head a little and look him in the eye. The eyes that I fell in love with and I’m scared that they won’t look at me the same way. “I need a bit more time, Louis. Please. I’ll tell you when I’m ready, but not until then,” I tell him and he just gives me a small nod. At this point, he can tell that I’m not going to give anything up so he’s not going to try to force it out of me.

“Okay, Harry. I’ll give you some more time. Just promise me that you will try to relax and don’t let fear take control, okay? The boys and I love you and no matter what you tell us, we will still love you. Though it might just take a bit of time for us to come around, depending on what it is,” he says, but that doesn’t really relax me all that much. They can say that all they want to, but when it comes down to it, will that really matter? That’s the real question.

Louis then pulls away from me and heads over to the bed. “We should get some sleep though. We have a long day tomorrow. Lots of interviews before we have to practice for our concert.” I nod and walk over to the bed, climbing in. Instead of taking my clothes off and sleeping in my boxers like I normally do, I climb into bed fully clothed. Today just doesn’t seem like a day for me to sleep almost naked. Louis seems to follow my actions and climbs into bed with his clothes on as well.

As I close my eyes and begin to drift off into a potentially restless sleep, I feel something I haven’t felt since this began. I feel Louis’ arms wrap around me from behind, pulling my back against his chest. Even though I part of me just wants to push him away, my need for contact with Louis is too great and I just settle down with his arms wrapped around me. For the first time in days, I feel relaxed as I drift off. This time it’s into a nice, deep, peaceful sleep.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

* * *

 

When I wake up the next morning, Louis’ arms are still wrapped securely around me and his face is buried in my back. For a moment, I smile, feeling comfortable in Louis’ arms once again. I already feel like today is going to be an easier day for me. While I am still Ellie, I’m not scared of being genderfluid. This is such a huge change from my mood over the last few days and I’m okay with that. Being relaxed and calm is much better than being scared and nervous. I’ll take the first one any day of the week. I do need to get up and get ready for the day though. It’s going to be long and exhausting, but I’m ready.

I try to wiggle out of Louis’ hold with difficulty. Every time I try to pull his arms away or scoot away from him, he just pulls me closer. It makes me laugh a bit, and I know right away that he’s really only pretending to be asleep. For a tiny man though, he’s still strong. This time instead of pulling away from him, I just flip myself over so I'm now face to face with him. I watch with a small smile as he tries so hard to pretend to be asleep. His eyebrows are furrowed and jaw clenched as to not allow him to smile. It’s pretty funny actually.

“Louis, I know you’re awake,” I state simply, but that doesn’t stop him from trying. He still lays there, pretending as his life depended on it. I shake my head a little and lean forward, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. Just like I predicted it would, it woke him up. His eyes flutter open and a small smile forms on his face. 

He pulls me closer to him and kisses my nose gently. “Someone’s in a better mood this morning,” he says softly, giving me a relaxed, relieved look. I nod a bit because in a way he’s right. I do feel better about everything. I’m not scared and I don’t feel nervous. It’s like something told me while I slept that everything was going to be okay now. It’s like someone told me that nothing bad would happen. Maybe today is the day I’ll end up telling the boys, but not all at once. I think Louis really should know first.

“I feel much more comfortable this morning,” I say back. “I know now that everything is going to be okay. I’m not scared.” I watch as Louis’ smile only gets bigger when I say this. “I don’t wanna talk about it right now, but I’ll tell you later tonight though. Okay?” Louis just gives me a happy nod.

“Whenever you’re comfortable, honey. I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me something when you’re not ready,” he speaks. “Now come on. We need to get ready for our interviews and stuff today.” I give him a nod and the two of us climb out of the bed and head for the door of the hotel room. With how exhausted we were, all of us just left our bags and stuff on the tour bus so we need to go to the back of the hotel and grab them.

Once we are outside of the hotel room, we are quickly met with one of our security guards, Paul. “Paul, can you take us back to the bus? Our suitcases are still on the bus. We didn’t grab them before walking into the hotel,” Louis says, making Paul shake his head.

“You really need to remember to grab your suitcases whenever you two go into a hotel. I’m tired of having to either bring your bags up to you or having to take you back down to get them,” he says, though he leads us to the elevators. Looks like we are still getting away with it this time, Paul. Jokes on you.

I smile as Louis and I walk together into the elevator after Paul. “Glad to see that you’re in a better mood though, Harry,” Paul says to me, and I flash him a smile, which is used to hide my cringe at ‘Harry’. “I know something’s been bugging you recently so it’s nice to see that whatever it is, has finally left you alone.”

“I know. I’m glad to be feeling much more relaxed. I think I just needed a bit of time to realize that I don’t have much to be afraid of. Everyone who matters to me will love me no matter what. No one will leave me for something like being g-” I almost say ‘genderfluid’, but I stop myself. Not right yet. Later tonight when you can tell Louis exactly what has been going on. I may be more relaxed, but I still wanna wait for the right time and place to do this. To fix my almost slip up, I come up with a genius solution. “...like being gay,” I say.

This earns a laugh from the two of them. “Harry, love,” Louis says with a laugh, “we all know that you are gay. You’re dating me, remember?” I laugh along with them and make it all into a joke.

“What? How did you know? Who told you?” I ask with a laugh. Though I still feel a small stab when I hear Louis say ‘Harry’, I just try to remind myself that by later tonight, things will change. ‘Ellie’ is what he’d be calling me on days like today and yesterday. Soon it is Ellie’s turn to get some attention. Let’s just hope I don’t chicken out. Louis really deserves to know the truth and I shouldn’t keep that from him much longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Four is really short. I apologize in advance. I'm hoping the next chapter will be a bit longer.

Chapter Four

* * *

 

“It’s great to have One Direction with us here today. How are you all doing this fine evening?” Our interviewer asks us during our last interview of the day. All of the boys respond with the usual answers of ‘fine’ and ‘okay’ while I stay quiet. While this morning started off with me having a better view of everything, going to interview after interview has done anything but help keep it that way. ‘Harry’ this, ‘Harry’ that. You don’t understand how hard it has been to not just snap and correct them. I’ve forced smiles and forced my tears back, at least while the cameras were rolling and I wasn’t alone.

Any moment that I had alone, the tears would fall and I’d have to say to myself  _ “No one knows, Ellie. Calm down. Everything will get better.”  _ Louis’ noticed my shift since the interviews have started today and he’s been trying to comfort me. He’s been giving me all kinds of hugs and kisses when it’s just us or us and the other boys. He is such a good boyfriend.

Anyway, the interview goes on and I sort of clock out for the most part. Niall, Zayn, Liam, and Louis answer most of the questions unless they are directed at me. Even then, they have to snap me out of my daydream and the question needs to be repeated. “Harry, are you doing okay over there? You really seem out of it today,” our interviewer asks and I just shrug a little.

“I’ve just been thinking about some stuff. It’s nothing,” I say quietly while Louis reaches over and pats my back. I still have to keep myself calm, but it’s just been harder and harder to keep my feelings really hidden.

“Are you sure? You look like you’re ready to cry over there,” she says. I get frustrated when she doesn’t just let it go, so I hop up out of my seat.

“I said it was nothing, so leave me alone!” I say before running off the set and somewhere, I’m not sure where. I hardly pay attention to where I’m going and who I end up passing by. I end up finding some random closet a little ways away and run into it. No one will find me in here, so now I can have a good cry.

I slide down the wall of the somehow empty closet and the tears just fall down my cheeks. “I wish I wasn’t this way. I hate feeling this way. I hate the hurting like this,” I say to myself as I try to keep myself from sobbing, which would draw attention to this closet. “I just want to be Harry all the time. I just don’t like feeling hurt like this when it’s not like anyone is doing this on purpose. No one knows about Ellie.”

I just cry to myself for who knows how long. Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t been found at this point. The tears have long since dried and I’ve managed to calm myself down from my freak out, though I still can’t pull myself out of this closet. I like being by myself with no one around to potentially find out the truth before I tell them. I then turn my thoughts to Louis.

“How am I going to explain everything to Louis now?” I say softly as I curl up next to the bare wall. “Think, Ellie. Think.”

As if to tell me that my secret isn’t safe anymore, the door to the closet open and in the doorway stands Liam. “Harry? Who’s Ellie?”

**_Oh crap._ **


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Two in one day!

Chapter Five

* * *

 

All I can do at this moment is to stare at Liam with my eyes wide. _ Fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit. What am I supposed to do now? He thinks I was talking to someone who isn’t here. Fuck. He’s going to think you’re insane Ellie. Shit. You screwed up big time. Fuck fuck. _ My thoughts go wild as my body only sits there, staring at Liam. I’m unable to say anything to him. At least, not until he says something first.

“Harry, are you doing okay? Do I need to be more concerned about you?” He asks. This snaps me out of my thoughts and I immediately do the only thing I can think of. I pull Liam into the closet with me and shut the door. “Woah, Harry. What the hell? What’s going on with you, man?” Liam asks in surprise; my behavior strikes him as really odd.

“Liam, I’m going to tell you something and you need to swear to not tell anyone at all. Not Zayn, not Niall, and especially not Louis,” I begin. “I beg you not to tell anyone until I say it’s okay. Please, Liam.” Tears form in my eyes as I look at him in the darkness of the closet. Having been in here for so long already, my eyes were adjusted to the darkness of this small, empty room.

I watch as Liam relaxes a little before putting a hand on my shoulder. “Harry, if you don’t want me to tell anyone, I won’t. I promise you that. Whatever you have to tell me is safe with me, and you know that better than most people,” he says to me kindly. Although what I’m about to do has me nervous beyond what words could describe, Liam’s calm demeanor comforts me. He always had that kind of effect on people in serious situations.

“Take a seat first. This is going to be a lot,” I say, and he follows what I tell him. He sits up against one wall of the closet and I sit against the other. Since the closet is pretty small, we are still pretty close despite being sat against opposite walls. I take a deep breath before I start to speak. “I guess the best way to do this is to just be straightforward with it. I came to realize a few days ago that I’m...genderfluid...Ellie is me, as of this moment.”

The silence that fills the closet after I say this causes my thoughts to go completely wild.  _ He thinks you’re crazy. He’s disgusted. He hates you, Ellie. If Liam can’t even accept you, then the others sure as hell won’t either.  _ My head drops and I close my eyes tightly, tears threatening to fall. “I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t accept me this way. I should have just kept it to myself,” I say, trying not to sound like I’m ready to cry.

“No no. You shouldn’t have kept this to yourself. I’m glad you told me, Ha- Er. I mean. Ellie,” he corrects himself, making me look up. Tears are still in my eyes, but the mood has completely shifted. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. “Ellie, if I’m completely honest, I could kind of see this coming. Well, in a way.” This statement from him just takes me by surprise. He saw this coming? But how?

“What? How could you have seen this coming?” I ask him, completely confused. I didn’t see this coming, so how could he?

“Harry, you’re different from the rest of us, and we all knew that. You’re feminine, sure, and Louis and Zayn are too. Though I’d rather you not tell Zayn I said that; he doesn’t like to admit he has his feminine side.” That makes me chuckle a little when he said that. He’s right. Zayn is feminine at times, though he would never admit it. “You just took that to the next level. I’m the only one who probably picked up on it, but some days ‘feminine’ wasn’t the word to describe you. You took it to the next level these days, but I knew that you still held yourself back because you didn’t want to be. Modest hated any of us being even the slightest bit feminine, so you tried hard to mask it those days.”

I sit there in shock as Liam says this to me. I mean, he’s right that I held myself back most of our time as a band because Modest told us that we needed to be masculine. How could he tell that I held myself back on some days, though? I didn’t even notice that.

“Ellie, I support you 100%, okay? I swear. I just want you to be happy as much as you possibly can be. I’m just sorry you didn’t find out until now and that you didn’t feel like you could tell anyone sooner,” he says before leaning forward and pulling me into a hug. The hug is nice and warm, just like all of his hugs. I hug him back as I smile softly and tears fall down my cheeks.

“Thank you, Liam. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this really means to me for you to have my back right now,” I say, trying not to let out a sob.

“I bet this does mean a lot to you, and I’m glad I could make you feel even the slightest bit better. You’re my brother. Well, and my sister, I guess. We’re pretty much family at this point. I’ll be here and support you no matter what.” He continues to hug me until my tears have dried once again. When they are gone, he pulls back and gives me a smile. “Now come on. We need to get you out of this closet. The other boys are worried about you. Paul said we could just go back to the hotel once we found you too. He said that after your outburst with the interviewer, it would be best to just relax for the rest of the night.”

He stands up and I do as well. Even though Liam is the only one in the band who knows this, I feel so much better. To know I now have the support from Gemma and Liam makes me feel good. Well, one down, four to go. 

Question is:  _ when will I end up telling the rest of them? _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

* * *

 

When Liam and I walk out of the closet, we are soon met with the other three who all looked relieved to see me. Especially Louis. “Harry, there you are. I was so worried,” Louis says before he pulls me into a hug. I hug him back as I try to hide my hurt. I take a glance over to Liam and he gives me a comforting smile, understanding now that I’m hiding a bit of pain behind my smile.

“Where’d you find him, Liam?” Zayn asks as Louis continues to hug my and press kisses to my face over and over.

“In a closet a little ways away. Just needed a few minutes, more like an hour and a half, to just get some stuff out on their own,” he tells Zayn, luckily leaving out everything I told him. On top of that, Liam didn’t call me ‘Harry’ or even ‘he’. So he really is going to try hard to make everything more comfortable for me, huh? He’s such a great friend.

“Just some stuff is a bit hard right now and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. Liam caught me at a moment and I had to tell him,” I begin. “I didn’t want to tell him, so I don’t want anyone to feel like I betrayed them by telling Liam and not the rest of you. I just didn’t have a choice so I had to come clean. Don’t worry. I will tell you guys soon, just not right yet. I need to get a bit more comfortable.” They all nod at me a little.

“We want you to tell us when you’re ready. Don’t feel like you have to tell us,” Niall says with a small smile. Zayn and Louis nod as well. “Now come on. We’re going back to the hotel.” I nod a little and the five of us head to the back door where our car and some bodyguards wait for us.

Once we walk out of the door, the guards surround us as we are met by some cheering fans and some paparazzi. The usual stuff, ya know? I’m the first in the car and I climb in the back and Liam is the second in. Instead of sitting in the middle row of seats, he sits next to me. I’m guessing he wants to talk to me, or something because usually, I sit in the back with Louis and Niall while he and Zayn sit in front of us. I give him a surprised look while Liam gave me a smile. Louis slides in next to Liam and gives a confused, and somewhat jealous look.

As the car starts to drive off slowly, Liam and I begin to chat in hushed whispers as the other three chat among themselves. “So am I the only one to know this about you?” He asks, barely above a whisper.

“Well,” I start, “Gemma knows as well. She was the one who actually helped me put everything together.” Liam then gave me a nod. “Other than you and her, no one else knows. Not even mom.”

He nods again before saying something else. “Would you mind telling me what really made you find this out?”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. I don’t mind,” I say softly. “I was actually out and about the other day, you know? Getting a bit of shopping done. I had my hair up in a messy bun and I had on a big jacket while I was sat at a cafe. Had my nails painted as well, though I removed the paint later that night. As I was just sitting there, going through some stuff on my phone as I sipped a tea that I had bought, an older woman walks up to me and goes ‘Excuse me, Miss, but have you seen a young boy about twelve walking around here by himself?’ This tossed me off guard and when I looked at her, she immediately apologized for the mistake. I told her that it was no big deal, but that I hadn’t seen a boy. She gave me a few more apologies before leaving me at my table again.” As I tell my story just loud enough for Liam to hear, he nods, following along with me. “As she walked away, she said ‘Thank you anyway, sir’ and it made me feel weird. Having her call me ‘Miss’ actually felt really nice so to hear her say ‘sir’ now kind of threw me off. I’ve never had a problem with being called ‘sir’ before, at least not from what I can remember. So why did having her calling me ‘miss’ change that? I decided to then get in touch with Gemma and tell her about it.”

“Then Gemma helped you realize that you’re…” he trails off a little and looks at the other boys. Luckily the other three are too focused on talking together to notice us talking. Liam then turns his attention back to me before finishing his sentence. “...that you’re genderfluid?” His voice is almost inaudible, but I still manage to catch what he said. In response, I give him a nod. “That’s pretty interesting. So, how did you decide on the name? I expected something more like ‘Harriet’ if I’m honest.”

All I can do is laugh at that. “‘Harriet’? Really? You really thought I’d go with the gender-swapped version of my name?” I ask, and he gives me a now embarrassed not. “That’s one thing I told myself when I was trying to decide on a name. I was not going to go with ‘Harriet’.” I take a deep breath and try to think a little. “I don’t really know how I came up with 'Ellie'. When Gemma asked me what I wanted to be called, I kinda had to come up with something quick. As I sat there and thought about it ‘Ellie’ just popped into my head and I decided that that was perfect.”

Liam smiles softly as we feel the car come to a stop. “We must be at the hotel,” I say as the doors open for us. We all walk out of the car and head into the hotel. We all get into the elevator and ride it together to our floor before going out separate ways to our rooms. The walk to the room is quiet between me and Louis. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s tired or if he’s upset, so I decide to ask him.

“Louis? Are you okay?” I ask as we reach our room. He grabs the room key and unlocks the door before walking in.

“Should I be worried about you and Liam? Is there something going on there?” He asks, sounding a bit hurt.

“No, not at all. Nothing to be worried about, Louis. There are just some things I wanna talk to Liam about,” I try to explain to him, but obviously that doesn’t do anything to ease his worry.

“Let’s just get some sleep.” He walks over to the suitcases and takes off the clothes he was wearing and he changes into some more comfortable clothes. I follow him. We then both climb into bed. I expect to be met with Louis wrapping his arms around me, but he doesn’t. I wait a few moments, but I never feel his arms make their way around me. I then decide to flip over and wrap my arms around him, pulling his back to my front. We both then drift off into sleep silently. Mine ends up being restless.

_ I really hope everything is going to be okay between us. Louis really doesn’t have anything to worry about with Liam. _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

* * *

 

The next few days are really different, to say the least. Well, first thing is that ‘Harry’ comes back so I don’t get as upset as when I was ‘Ellie’. I don’t feel weird when people refer to me as ‘Harry’, so all of that pressure and stuff goes away. Second thing is that Liam and I talk a lot more since he knows about me. Finally having someone to talk to in person about it just feels good, so we talk a lot more. Obviously, it really gets to Louis.

Since I told Liam and I’ve started to talk to him more, I’ve been talking to Louis a bit less. Though when this started, I wasn’t talking to him a lot in the first place, it really gets to him seeing me be close with someone else. I know I should just talk to him and explain everything to him, but for some reason, every time I want to approach him to talk about it, I get cold feet and bail on the idea. Telling Liam was one thing because he caught me at a time where I couldn’t tell him. I was forced to.

Now, here I am, trying to find the courage to tell Louis everything. The two of us are in the back of the tour bus on our way to our next venue which is quite a ways away. No bailing this time. I’m going to tell him. “Hey, Louis?” I say softly, hoping to pull his attention away from his phone that he was looking at.

“Yeah, Harry?” He says, sounding just a tad bit annoyed. I don’t blame him though. I’ve been doing this a million times over the past few days and I end up not telling him anything. My nerves start to go crazy, but I try to bury them so I can finally talk to him about this.

“I just wanna start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been talking to you and I’ve been hanging out more with Liam. It’s just that he knows about what’s going on and now that he knows, we talk about it,” I start to explain. He turns his attention to me, seeing how I’m finally starting to give him an explanation. His expression softens a little. “Nothing is going on with me and Liam, I promise you. You are the only one that I want to be with and I’m just scared that what I’m going through will make you leave me. Liam has been trying to make me understand that you won’t leave me, but I’m just scared that you will, okay?”

Louis then grabs my hand gently and gives me a small smile. “Harry, no matter what it is, I won’t leave you. I promise. Really. If I do end up breaking up with you, then Liam can be angry with me. Just, please. I just want to know what’s been going on with you all week. I’m worried about you and I want to help you, however, I can,” he says to me while giving my hand a squeeze. “Now please, tell me what it is.”

I nod a little and take a deep breath. “Okay, I guess I should start from the beginning so you understand what’s going on.” I then tell him the same story I told Liam about that day at the cafe and telling Gemma about it. “As I was talking to Gemma and telling her about how it felt, she asked me if I was uncomfortable being called ‘sir’ or anything like that before. I then told her that I never had a problem with it, but this time I felt weird about it after that woman called me ‘miss’. She then asked me if I ever thought about the possibility of being genderfluid. She said that she had a friend who was like that and that that’s how they found out about it.”

Louis nods a little at me. “So, are you saying that you’re genderfluid?” He asks and I nod a little.

“Look, I know that you didn’t even think about being with guys before me so I know I’m probably confusing you more by telling you that I’m genderfluid. I’ll understand if you want some time to think about this first before telling me how you feel. Just please understand that I’m still the same person you fell in love with. My personality is still the same, just my pronouns and name change from time to time. It’s going to be a bit of an adjustment, but I promise that it’ll be okay,” I say to him. My heart is pounding in my chest as I wait for him to say something in response to me telling him this big news. I think I’m about to explode before he finally says something.

“Wow. This is...uh...unexpected,” his voice comes out gently and he sounds taken off guard.

_ Please… just give me a chance, Louis. _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

* * *

 

"I... I think I'm gonna need some time to, you know... process this," Louis tells me softly. At this moment, I feel my heart pretty much shatter. His reaction to this is pretty much the opposite of how Liam reacted, which is what I was afraid of.

I nod a little and try to bury my feelings. “I understand, Lou. Take all the time you need to,” I tell him, giving him a fake smile to hide to tears that I desperately wanted to let fall. Louis obviously seels through my facade and places his hands on my cheeks gently. His blue eyes lock with my green ones and he starts to speak again.

“Hey, just because I need some time doesn’t mean I don’t love you, okay? I do. I love you so very much, Harry. I just… don’t know how to process the fact that the guy that I fell for, the guy that made me realize that I like men too,  is also a girl. I mean, you do understand why that’s a bit weird to me, right?” He asks, and all I can do is nod. I do understand what he’s saying, but I just wish it would be like Liam and he would just go ahead and accept me or not. I hate the fact that I have to wait and see how Louis is going to end up feeling about being with me now that he knows that I’m genderfluid.

“I’ll just leave you back here so you can do some thinking then. Just… let me know when you’ve decided what you want to do now, Please, don’t tell Niall or Zayn either. I’ll tell them when I’m ready,” I say, pushing his hands away and standing up.

“Harry, please don’t be upset. I will still care about you a lot, no matter what comes from this,” he tries to say, but I honestly don’t want to hear it right now.

“Yeah, sure,” my voice comes out as broken and hurt, but I don’t give him a chance to respond. I turn away from him and walk toward the front of the bus where Niall, Zayn, and Liam are. Luckily for me, Louis doesn’t follow behind me. I don’t want him to see me break down.

Once I get to the front of the bus, I’m met with the laughter of the other three who seem to be having a good time. I look at them with tears in my eyes as they notice me walk in. They all sit at a table. Niall is on one side, while Liam and Zayn are cuddled up together on the opposite side. They all go quiet when they see the look on my face.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Niall asks, seeing the tears threatening to fall down my red cheeks. I just shake my head at him.

“L-Liam… can I ta-talk to you?” I ask, trying to hold back some sobs. Liam nods and gives Zayn and Niall a look, which tells them to go to the back of the bus so he and I can chat alone. They both nod and get up from their seats; of course, Zayn pecks Liam’s lips gently before leaving his side to go to the back. As they pass by me to go back to where Louis is sitting, they pat my shoulder gently and whisper soft words to me, though I don’t really care.

Once they are gone, I make my way over to Liam and plop down beside him. The tears finally make their way down my cheeks as broken sobs start to leave me. I feel Liam wrap his arms around me and pull me close. His hands rub my back gently, trying to get me to calm down, though it really does little to comfort me. “Come on, H. How about you tell me about what happened?” He says while I cuddle closer to him.

“L-Louis said he… he needs time to… to p-process it…” I say, sobs wracking my body.

“But… that’s good though, right? I mean, he’s not automatically accepting you, but he’s not rejecting you either. That means that he can still come back and tell you that he still wants to be with you despite you being genderfluid,” Liam says, confused on my worry.

“No, it’s not good,” I begin as I look up at him, tears streaming down my face. “If he’s on the fence about it now, that means he’s leaning more toward rejecting me than accepting me. Louis doesn’t want to be with me anymore, Liam. I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it,” I sob before burying my face back in his chest.

“Hey, shh. It will be okay, Harry. I promise you. You just have to stay strong,” Liam says to me gently, but it still doesn’t comfort me whatsoever.

_ That’s it. I’ve ruined the best relationship I have ever had. _

 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

* * *

 

I spend the rest of the bus ride to our next hotel in Liam’s arms. The tears never stop flowing because well, how am I going to accept the fact that I ruined the best relationship I have ever been in? Louis was the perfect boyfriend. Well, at least I thought he was perfect. At least now I know that he wouldn’t love me no matter what. At least I don’t have to lie to myself anymore about that. I know who he is now and I just have to accept that.

“Harry, I think you need to just relax. Louis loves you so much. He just needs time to adjust himself to this,” Liam says to me. “Look. How about you stay with me in my hotel room tonight? It would give you and Louis some space so he can think and I’ll be with you to keep you happy. Doesn’t that sound nice?” I wipe my face and look up at him before nodding a little. Liam does make sense. Maybe a little separation would do the two of us well. Whether this ends in us breaking up, or staying together, it might give him all the space he needs to make a decision. It is all up to him anyway.

Liam and I get up when we feel the bus stop and the driver tells us that we are at the next hotel. Not giving Louis a chance to walk out from the back to see my state, I pull Liam off the bus and we are quickly rushed into the hotel so we can check in. Liam then tells Paul that something happened and that I would be staying with him during our time here. Knowing that he can trust Liam to take care of me in the current state I seem to be in, Paul agrees to let me stay with Liam. I’m honestly glad that Liam and Zayn’s relationship is still pretty new so they aren’t sharing a room yet. It would be torture to share a room with a loved-up couple at this moment in time.

I follow closely behind Liam as he walks toward the elevator after grabbing his hotel room key. I’m not sure what was taking the other three boys so long to get off the bus, but I was thankful that none of them approached Liam and me to ask what was going on. I don’t want to talk to Louis, Zayn, or Niall. Especially not Louis right now. I don’t want to see his guilty face. He shouldn’t be with me because he feels like he should. He should be with me because he wants to. Nothing else should influence his decision.

When we make it to Liam’s room, and I guess mine for the time being as well, I flop down on the only bed in the room. My hair flies all over the place as my face is buried in the soft mattress and my legs hang off of the edge. “I was stupid for thinking that he would blindly accept me as genderfluid,” I mumble. I’m honestly surprised when Liam responds. I didn’t think he heard me.

“Hey, you’re not stupid. You trust Louis and you told him. He’ll come around, I’m sure,” Liam says as I feel him sit down on the edge of the bed next to me. “Come on. Sit up. How about you tell me about the clothes Gemma said she was going to give you. Has she sent you pictures of the clothes yet?” He asks and it honestly perks me up a little.

I sit up on the bed and push my hair out of my face before letting a small smile creep up onto my face. “She said she just has a few dresses for me that I can have, but next time I’m back home she’s gonna go out shopping with me to help me pick out some nice new clothes. She did send me a picture of one of the dresses that she is giving me and I have to say, it is so gorgeous.” My smile only grows as I continue to speak. “It’s a nice long sleeved, knee length dress that has a nice collar that would show off my collar bones. The skirt part of the dress even has a nice design on it. Here, let me see if I can find a picture of it.” I then pull out my phone and go through my messages with Gemma, hoping to find it. Luckily, I do and I show it to Liam.

“Wow. That is a nice dress. I’m sure you’d look absolutely amazing in it. You’ll have to send me pictures when you put it on for the first time. I’d love to see you in it,” Liam says with a smile. “Can’t wait to see Ellie rock some amazing outfits.”

I nod a little and put my phone away. “Yeah. I can’t wait either. It’s going to be awesome when I can finally take a step back and let Ellie just be herself for once.” My smile only grows as we continue to talk for a while. My mood has changed and I’m suddenly focused on more positive thoughts.

_ Thanks, Liam, for everything. _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

* * *

 

Even though Liam does help to lighten the mood I’m in during our time at in this new city, I can’t help but think about Louis from time to time. He’s gone pretty quiet since our last conversation just before we arrived in town since I told him that I’m genderfluid. I can’t help but wonder if he’s just taking some time to himself to think about where we should go from this moment on, or if he’s genuinely upset now that he knows this about me. Liam, Zayn, and Niall have all tried to talk to Louis, but from what they’ve all said, Louis just won’t talk to them. He says that he’s okay, but we all know that it’s not fully true. No one has said if they’ve seen him crying so either it’s because he hasn’t, or it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to see him crying. I really hope it isn’t the second one.

Liam doesn’t give me much time to think about anything like that though. Any time he sees my mood change into a sour one he quickly brings my attention to something else. He’d either start asking me questions about what kind of outfits that I would like to have at some point, or he would start to do my hair. Even though I don’t think he would admit it, Liam knows how to style hair. He would do my hair in some really nice hairstyles that I’ve never seen before. They are just so intricate, but they are really pretty. Having him do this kind of stuff really does help relieve some of the stress and frustrations I have at the moment. For that, I am really thankful to have Liam beside me at this time.

When the concert date for the city that we are in finally comes around, I feel myself get so nervous. Louis and I haven’t talked since before we got here so how are we supposed to go on stage today and pretend that everything is okay when really it’s not? We can’t put on fake smiles and just act like nothing has happened at all. My questions are answered, in a weird way, when Louis approaches Liam and I. Before the show starts, Liam and I just hang out backstage and chat. Both of us have smiles on our faces when we notice Louis make his way over to the two of us. He stands there looking shy and nervous, wondering what he’s come up to us for. It could have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I saw a look of regret or guilt on his face.

“Harry, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute, in private?” He asks very quietly. I almost didn’t catch what he said; his voice was just so quiet. Liam pats my back gently as he looks at me, pretty much asking if I want him to leave just by looking at me. I give him a small smile and nod, letting him know that it’s okay to leave Louis and me alone so we can chat for a moment. With one last pat on my back, he leaves my side so the two of us can talk.

“What did you want to talk about, Louis?” I ask, scared of what is to come in the next few moments. I hold onto the small hope that this conversation is going to end well, but I don’t think that’s really going to happen. I watch as Louis reaches toward me and grabs my hand, pulling me down as he sits on the ground. I follow what he wants and sit down next to him. “Make this quick, Louis. Our concert starts soon.”

Louis nods and takes a deep breath before speaking up. “Look, I’m sorry about the other day. I know I should have been nothing but supportive of you in telling me this big news, but it took me off guard. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever have you coming to me, telling me that you’re genderfluid or anything like that. Not that it’s wrong or anything, but I just didn’t see it coming.” My gaze softens as I look at Louis. Does this mean what I hope it does? “Harry, I love you so much and I don’t want our relationship to be over because of you being genderfluid. You still are the same person that I fell in love with, but I just need to have some things to adjust to. Just tell me from now on what I can do to make you comfortable okay? I’ll do anything for you.” I feel tears form in my eyes.

“Are… really?” I ask, almost not believing what I’m hearing. Louis looks at me and gives me a gentle smile before placing a hand on my cheek.

“Harry, I love you a lot, okay? I’ll support you no matter what and I’ll be with you through everything,” he says with a smile as he wipes away the tears that fall down my cheeks. To know that Louis is still going to be with me even after telling him the truth, makes me feel so good. All of my worries vanish and they are replaced with happiness. He’s going to have a lot to learn, but I know he can do it. He is doing it for me after all.

**_I love Louis so much, and I’m so happy to know that he still loves me too._ **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

* * *

 

After the concert, I’m so bouncy. The concert was amazing, the crowd was amazing, and the energy in the room was just great. Having cleared the air between Louis and me before the show really made my day and made that show so much better. Despite what we were told, we interacted a lot on stage and I’m sure the fans picked up on it. I mean, they notice a lot that goes on between the two of us. Not that we leave much to the imagination though.

Once we get off stage, we are ushered back to the car that would take us back to the hotel so we could pack and then get back on the bus to go to the next city. Louis has his arms wrapped around me and the two of us have bright smiles on our faces. “That was such an amazing show, huh?” He asks as he kisses my cheek. I nod happily and climb into the car with him following right behind me. I get in the back seat and he sits right next to me. My smile only grows as I cuddle up to him, burying my face under his chin and in his chest. At the moment, everything just seems perfect.

“I’m glad you two are doing better. I hated seeing you two not talking to each other,” Niall says as he sits next to Louis. Zayn and Liam then climb in the seats in front of us. The two of them agree happily with Niall as they cuddle together in the middle seats. I smile softly and move a bit so I can kiss Louis’ cheek happily.

Louis chuckles before he speaks up. “I know. I hated not talking to him either. Things are gonna be different now, though. I promise that I’ll do the best I can for you,” he says to me as he runs his fingers through my long, curly locks. I grab his hand gently and hold it with a bright smile. He then leans down and pecks my lips softly. “Love you, Haz.”

“Love you too, Lou,” I say happily. The rest of the ride to the hotel is nice and relaxing. Louis and I just spend the ride cuddling with each other, feeling great to be in each other’s arms comfortably again.

When we get back to the hotel, I part from Louis to pack up the stuff that I had in Liam’s room. As I sit on the floor, packing, I hear Liam say something. “So I’m guessing Louis is okay with you being genderfluid based on how you two are all cuddly and happy now,” he says, and it makes me smile.

“Yeah. Louis is okay with it. He has a lot to know, but he said he’s going to try his best to make adjustments to keep me happy and comfortable,” I explain, my smile never leaving my face. “Oh. Speaking of that, I should probably tell Gemma that he knows now. I’m sure she’d want to know that.” I quickly pull out my phone and send Gemma a text.

“Hey sis, Harry here. Just wanted to tell you that I told Louis and after a bit of thinking, he decided that he loved me too much to break up with me over that. He said he loves me no matter what and that he’s going to try his best to make me comfortable. He really is the best boyfriend ever. I love him so much, Gemma. Anyway, talk to you later. We do have a break coming up after this next show so I’ll probably be back home soon and you can give me those dresses and we can go out shopping. Can’t wait to see you again! I love you!”

I smile brightly as I hit the send button and put my phone away. It only takes a few more minutes before Liam and I finish packing and we head out to the bus. Once we get there, I’m met with Louis’ arms wrapping around me securely. “Woah. Hey there,” I say with a chuckle, taken aback by the sudden action.

“Come on. Let’s go lay down and cuddle some more. Then you can tell me everything I need to know about how to make you more comfortable.” I smile softly and follow him back to the bunks. We climb into our shared bunk and Louis lays his head on my chest as I have my arms wrapped around him.

“Well, to start off, I’ll let you know each day which one I’m feeling, okay? That you don’t need to worry about,” I start off. “My name on my girl days is ‘Ellie’.”

“Ellie, huh?” He asks, looking up at me a little. “I’m surprised you chose that name.” I look at him with a look of a bit of confusion.

“What? Why are you surprised that I chose that name? I thought it was honestly perfect. Is there something wrong with it?” I ask him, wanting to understand where his confusion is coming from.

He laughs a little and shakes his head at me. “No. It’s not that there is something wrong with the name. I just think it’s a bit odd that you chose a name that is a bit similar to Eleanor, my beard,” he says and that’s when I realize the connection. I never intended to make my name even remotely similar to ‘Eleanor’. To be completely honest, I haven’t even thought about her since this whole thing started. She never popped into my mind when I was trying to decide on a name. Though there is one thing that I see that could benefit from me choosing that name.

“Well, since I chose a name similar to Eleanor, when you talk about me in interviews and use the name ‘Ellie’, you can play it off as being Eleanor’s nickname,” I say with a smile. “Wouldn’t that be funny? People would think you’re talking about her when you’re really talking about me, your girlfriend, Ellie.”

Louis smiles and gives me a quick kiss. “That’s genius. I love you so much. Harry, Ellie, whoever you are, whoever you wanna be. I love you from now until the end of time.” My face flushes a little and I pull him closer.

**_I could not be any happier._ **


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

* * *

 

The last concert before our short break comes and goes. The show is great, just like every other show we’ve done before. The five of us jump off the stage with smiles on all of our faces. “That was a great show!” Niall exclaims as a bright smile is painted on his face. The other four of us happily nod in response.

“I love touring and all, but I’m really ready to go home for a bit. It’ll be nice to sleep in my own bed and not have to leave it for any specific reason, Louis says before wrapping his arms around me. “And, of course, I’m excited to spend time with my beautiful girlfriend, Ellie.” He leans in close to me and kisses my cheek gently. I smile brightly as my face flushes a light shade of pink. Louis openly calls me Ellie because I already told Zayn and Niall about her. After having Louis accept me, all of my fears faded and it made telling the other two so much easier. I know that no matter how things ended with Zayn, Niall and me, everything would be okay because I had Louis.

The two of them may have had a slightly different reaction that Liam did, but it wasn’t like Louis’ either. They were kind of surprised that I came out as genderfluid, but they immediately told me that they have my support and all five of us hugged. Telling them about Ellie lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders, and it definitely showed in my actions.

“I’m ready to see everyone back home. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen or even spoken to my family,” Zayn says. “Maybe Liam can come to visit too. Introduce you as my boyfriend, right?” Zayn’s relationship with Liam was still pretty new, but with how in love they seemed to be, he thought that it would be okay to tell his family about them being an official thing. Based on Liam’s response, he agrees with that.

“I’d love to stop by to see your family. I mean, they already know me, but it would be nice to see them as your boyfriend.” Liam’s smile is small and gentle as he looks at Zayn. One word that comes to mind when I see that smile is the word: fond. Liam looks at Zayn just like the way that Louis and I look at each other. All the fans used to talk about the amount of fond they could see when Louis and I looked at each other, but they are missing the connection that these two have. In some ways, their relationship is stronger and cuter than Louis’ and mine, but I don’t want to go into that right now. Maybe at another time.

We all make it to our hotel for one last night here before heading off to wherever we are going in the morning. Louis and I then go to our shared hotel room with smiles on our faces. “I can’t wait to see your mom and Gemma again,” Louis says as he makes his way over to the bed. “It feels like I haven’t seen them in forever.” I laugh a little as I follow him to the bed.

We then strip down to our underwear, though I leave my shirt on, and climb under the covers. I lay on my side as Louis wraps his arms around me from behind. He pulls our bodies closer together so his chest is pressed against my back. This is honestly my favorite position to lay in. You’d think with me being the taller one of the two of us that I would like to be the bigger spoon more. In reality, it’s the other way around. I like being the little spoon. It’s nice to have Louis’ arms around me. It’s comforting.

He nuzzles his face in the back of my neck and I can feel his smile. “I love you, Ellie. Sleep well, princess,” he says softly and my smile grows. Louis has not called me a princess before, but I do like it a lot. I silently hold onto the hope that he calls me that again at a later time.

“I love you too, Louis. Night, boobear.” With that final statement from me, the two of us fall asleep, ready for the next day to get here already.

I drift off into a peaceful, comforting sleep, dreaming about what it’s going to be like when Louis and I get home the next day and it makes me all the more anxious about it.

**_I can’t wait to see Gemma and mom again._ **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

 

The journey back home is a long and boring one. The trip from LA to Holmes Chapel take over fourteen hours, and that doesn’t even include the time we spent at an airport in the middle of it so we could change flights. We catch the flight at six in the morning, LA time, and arrive in Holmes Chapel at nine in the morning UK time the next day. We pretty much miss a whole day, but it’s okay. We have almost a week here so we have plenty of time to go out and see everyone we need to.

We leave the airport and arrive at the house I had bought for the two of us to stay in some time back. Neither of us speaks to each other as we tiredly make our way to the bedroom for sleep, even though morning light pours through the curtains. We don’t even change out of our clothes before climbing in the bed and falling asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillows.

Louis and I sleep for some time before waking again. When we do, it’s three in the afternoon. “Wow, we really didn’t sleep long, did we?” I ask groggily as I sit up in bed. “Looks like we still have time to drop by and see Gemma and my mom today.” Louis nods and kisses my cheek gently.

“Then let’s get cleaned up and we can head out there love. By the way, are you going to tell your mom about being genderfluid?” He asks and I mentally smack myself in the head. I completely forgot to tell mom about that. I mean, I guess it could be good that I did forget. It’s probably much better to tell her in person anyway. Doing it over text or phone probably isn’t the best way to tell someone this kind of information.

“Oh yeah. I really should tell mom, huh?” I say, sliding out of bed. “I mean, as long as I have you there, then I’m okay to tell her.” I look back at him and give him a small smile, which he happily returns. The two of us then get dressed and I give Gemma a heads up that we are coming over before the two of us make the drive over there.

“So, you said that Gemma has some outfits for you when you get there, El?” Louis asks on the way. I smile brightly when he asks.

I give him a small nod while trying to keep my attention focused on the road as I drive. “Yeah. I mean, she doesn’t have much but she’s giving me some old dresses that she doesn’t like anymore. She said that she’s sure they should fit me, but if they don’t then she told me that she’ll just take me out to find some in my size,” I explain to Louis happily. My mind then drifts a bit to the black dress I had told Liam about before. I really hope that one fits me. It was so pretty and I don’t want to have to go searching for one just like it while hoping that I can find one in my size.

“I can’t wait to see you try them on, princess.” Hearing him call me princess once again makes me smile even more. We then finish our conversation and we sit comfortably in silence until we reach mom’s house. I notice that Gemma’s car is there, but mom's car isn’t. She must be out running errands.

Louis and I step out of the car and walk up to the door, where he rings the bell. A few moments later the door opens and Gemma stands there with a bright smile. “There’s my gorgeous sister!” She cheers happily before pulling me into a hug, which I happily return.

“It’s nice to see you too, Gemma,” I chuckle softly before the two of us pull away from each other. She then says hello to Louis and the two of them hug each other happily. I love that the two of them get along great. I’d hate it if Gemma and Louis didn’t get along.

“Come on in. Let’s just get Ellie to try on these dresses before mom comes home and she has to tell her about being genderfluid,” Gemma says as she ushers the two of us inside. “I set the dresses on the bed in your old room. Go get changed into one and walk back here in the living room to show Louis and I. I might have put some shoes up there for you to try on with them too.”

I smile brightly and nod before going up to that room. I see three beautiful dresses laid out before me along with three different pairs of shoes to go with them. I then see the dress that I was the most excited to try on paired with a nice pair of black two-inch heel shoes. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle those.

**_Here we go. Cross our fingers that these fit me okay._ **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

 

Seeing myself in a dress for the first time honestly takes my breath away. The soft black fabric of the dress feels amazing against my skin. My legs feel free and the heels that go with the dress aren’t too bad either. Luckily for me, the dress that I had liked the most was pretty much a perfect fit, which was surprising, but great. I take a look in the full body mirror Gemma put in this room and I smile at what I see in front of me. The person I see looks absolutely amazing in the new dress. “Wait until Louis and Gemma see me,” I say with a smile before I walk out of the room. I’m a bit off balance in these heels, but I manage not to fall as I make my way down the stairs to show my sister and my boyfriend how I look.

I can practically hear my own heartbeat pounding in my ears as I turn the corner and walk into the living room, where Louis and Gemma are sitting. Their conversation comes to an abrupt stop when they notice me walk into the room. I stand there nervously as they just stare at and me, not saying anything yet. “W-Well? What do you think?” I ask shakily as I try to get them to respond in some way. After a few more silent moments, Gemma takes the initiative to speak up first.

“Ellie,” she begins quietly, “you look absolutely stunning!” Her smile grows larger as she gets up from her seat and runs to me. She engulfs me in a big hug and I happily return it. “I was really hoping that dress would look good on you and thank god it does!” Her cheers of delight only make me smile more before I turn my attention to Louis.

This time, instead of having a surprised look on his face like he did when I walked into the room, he has a small, fond smile. The same smile and look he has on his face that many of the fans use to prove how in love we are. Oh if only they knew the whole story. “What do you think, Louis? Do I look good?” I ask him as I pull away from Gemma and make my way closer to him. His smile only gets bigger as he stands up and closes the gap between the two of us. His hands find their way to my hips to rest there gently as he strains a little to look at me. I’m much taller than Louis anyway, but with me being in heels, that only makes me taller.

“You look gorgeous, Ellie. That dress looks like it was made for you,” he says with a smile before standing on his tiptoes to connect our lips in a sweet, loving kiss. My hands find their way to his cheeks as I close my eyes and kiss him back the same way he kisses me. My body relaxes quickly and my heart rate slowly starts to get back down to normal.

The two of us pull away from each other as we hear the front door open and the sound of rustling plastic bags. “Gemma, I’m back from the store,” I hear mom’s voice call out as she makes her way to the kitchen. My heartbeat gets faster as I almost wait for mom to turn around and see me in Gemma’s old dress and heels. I know I was going to tell mom while I was home about me being genderfluid, but I don’t want her to find out this way. This is such an awkward way to find out that kind of stuff about your child, you know?

“Hey, mom,” I call out as Louis and I break apart from each other. When she hears my voice, mom’s head snaps over to where I’m standing and her jaw drops. I’m not entirely sure if it’s because I’m here, or if it’s because I’m in Gemma’s dress. My money would have to be on the latter if I’m honest.

“Is… Is that Gemma’s old dress?” She asks me as she leaves the bags in the kitchen and makes her way to the living room where Louis, Gemma and I are. Her eyes are a bit wide as she just looks at me.

“Actually, yeah,” I say. “Gemma is letting me have it.” My face flushes a bit and I suddenly feel really self-conscious. Is she staring because it looks bad? Is she not okay with this? Thoughts run through my brain before I feel her hand being placed gently on my cheek.

“I think it looks absolutely wonderful on you, sweetheart,” she says softly. “I’ve kinda been wondering when you would come around and end up trying on one of her dresses.” What she says takes me by surprise.

“You… were waiting for this moment?” I ask, confused on what she’s talking about.

“Honey, I’m your mother. I know a lot of things about you that even you don’t know. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to see if you’d ever give in and try on Gemma’s clothes,” she says.

“Well, I guess that makes this next part so much easier. I’m genderfluid, mom, and my name’s Ellie,” I blurt out. She laughs a bit and pushes some of my curly hair behind my ear.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” She gives me a comforting smile and I happily smile a little back at her.

**_Wow. That was somewhat easier than I expected._ **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

 

After telling my mom everything, I go back to the room and try on the other two dresses that Gemma has for me. Sadly I’m disappointed when the other two don’t fit. I wished they would have since they were really nice ones, but I’m just very thankful that the black one that I had my eyes on did fit. I would have been very disappointed if that one didn’t fit because it was a really nice black dress.

I begin to get changed back into the clothes I arrived in when I realize that I didn’t get a photo for Liam. I stop putting those clothes on and put the black dress back on. Once it’s back on and the heels are on as well, I grab my phone and make my way to the full body mirror that I mentioned before and take a very nice picture that shows off the dress.

I then pull up the messages between Liam and I and send it to him, along with a message:  _ “This was the only dress Gemma had that fit, but I’m glad it was this one. Gemma and Louis loved it, and I do too honestly. I look amazing.”  _ I smile softly as I press send. Then I get changed into my other clothes for real this time. Once I’m all dressed, I grab all three dresses and pairs of shoes, making my way downstairs where Gemma, Mom, and Louis are waiting for me.

Their conversation stops when I walk into the room. “Did the other dresses not fit you, princess?” Louis asks, seeing me in the t-shirt and jeans that I was wearing when the two of us arrived.

“No, they didn’t fit. They were just too tight,” I explain, handing Gemma the two that didn’t fit. “The shoes still fit so I’m keeping those.” Gemma laughs a little at me and nods.

“Well, let’s take you out shopping then. After that, we can come back here and I can do your hair. Maybe then Louis can take you out for a nice dinner,” Gemma says, looking over at Louis. “Take your girlfriend to a nice dinner to show off one of her new outfits.” Louis smiles a little before laughing.

“Yeah, that sounds good. What do you think, Ellie?” Louis asks me and I nod happily. “Well, let’s go then.” Gemma, Louis, and Mom all get up from their spots and we all head outside to our cars. I get into my car with Louis and Gemma gets into the car with mom. Mom backs out of the driveway and starts driving off with Louis and I following behind her as close as we can.

It doesn’t take long for us to arrive at the mall, where we would be doing our shopping. We park as close as we can to each other and walk into the mall together. Louis and I follow Gemma and mom to a certain store in the mall and I look around the store with a smile on my face. The dresses this store has are all beautiful. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll be able to keep myself from buying one of every dress here, and we all know I have the money for it.

“See any that catch your eye, princess?” Louis asks as he grabs my hand. “Any that you want to try on first?” I look around me to see if any of them stick out to me more than the others and I manage to find one. The one that catches my eye is a dark blue, long, sleeveless dress. Its design is simple but beautiful. I make my way over to it and the other three follow.

“Ooh. That’s a good one, Ellie. Nice choice,” Gemma says to me. “Go try it on and then show us.” I nod happily and grab a dress that seems like it should fit me and make my way over to the dressing rooms. I try it on and look in the mirror happily when I see that it fits me well. I honestly think it looks great, but I still walk out to show everyone else how it looks.

I walk out with a smile and give them a spin to show off the whole dress. “What do you think?” I ask, waiting anxiously for a response.

“Blue is definitely your color, that’s for sure,” Gemma says as she looks at me.

“My little girl is beautiful,” Mom says with a smile.

Louis doesn’t say much of anything at first. He just makes his way over to me and he kisses me sweetly. Even though I know what that means, he still says something when he pulls back. “You look amazing, princess. You should definitely get that one.” I smile and nod before going back to the dressing room to take it off.

What I’m unaware of is that someone had been watching the whole thing. They had their phones out and took photos of everything that had just happened. I don’t realize it until later, but the whole world will soon know about every secret that I’ve been keeping hidden.

**_What have I done?_ **


End file.
